Lately....

I wish I could tell everone what has been happening since December 21st 2009. All I can say is life has been very very difficult for me. I missed a month of work because of personal problems. My ex wife kept my daughter from me from December 13-January 26th. I was finally able to give my daughter her Christmas presents, a month after the fact.

We won the first court battle and I saw my daughter the same day! I was so excited, yet I cried both when I saw her and when she had to leave. Court next month should be good for me as well. I despise my ex-wife so much. Not being able to see the most important person in my life during the holidays was very hard on me.

For the most part I have tamed down my drinking as well. I think I have outgrown my daily trips to the bar. I am proud of the fact that I have never drank with my daughter around, or ever let my drinking affect my time with her!

I have thought of you guys a lot lately, and there was so much I wanted to say, but I know I cannot share every intimate detail about my custody fight with the world.

I hope 2010 has started well for all you readers out there...I know it sucked to start, but I know its going to finish good for me!!

A fresh start maybe......

After the accident, I went through very hard times. Deep depression, that I cannot even place into words. I turned to my high school sweetheart to help me through this, and because of me being alone, so far away, we decided to get married.

My marriage was anything but bliss, because of my depresssion and hatred towards myself and pretty much everyone around me, I experienced pain as did my wife. From arguments to fights, to breaking things, to adultery, I was far from the ideal husband. Far from an ideal person.

Everything was blamed on the Marine Corps. I was not happy because of that, I was not happy for the day to day lifestyle I was forced to live. So when my discharge happened it should have been the happiest day of my life. For the most part, up until then, it was. We packed up our belongings and thought we would live in a normal civilian life like everyone else.

Fast forward again, this time four years. We have bought a house, two cars, a motorcycle, had a child, living the so-called American dream. Happiness, however was anything but a myth in our life. I was a recluse. Not wanting to venture out with my wife, not wanting to be with my wife. I blamed her, her lack of self-discipline for letting herself go. Her laziness around the house. Her lack of attention to me, to the family.

We fought so much. Money, bills, time spent together, stupid things, it didn't matter. Yet again, I blamed her. It wasn't my fault- it couldn't be my fault right? So, I gave up everything and left my wife. I thought it was just what I needed to move on with my life. What I needed to be happy. What my daughter needed for a good happy childhood. That she would be better off with two happy parents living apart, rather than an unhappily married family.