The beginning......

I knew I was different from everyone when I was in high school. The things I said, the way I acted, I knew that I had a different thought process than them. This blog is going to help me own up to my own life, and my own actions.

I am currently 28 years old. Divorced, father of 1. I had everything, and I have lost everything- so goes my story.....

When I was 15 years old, I was addicting to cocaine. I was the life of the party, it did not matter if it was, weed, cocaine, acid, nitrous- if it was a party drug, I was taking it. I soon ended up in a juvenile detention center, and spent month's on house arrest, complete with the ankle monitor that has become all so famous with Michael Vick. It was after the drugs, after the parties- that I realized, something was different.

I had a burning desire, now that I was sober to die. It wasn't a cry for attention that so many teenagers go through- it was something different. My school forced treatment before allowing me to return and it was then that I had my first experience with anti-depression medication. Wellbutrin is an interesting drug. It made it so I could not sleep, I was wired, and it made things worse I believe. I had an overwhelming feeling of being overwhelmed, this medication was not helping. So there I was, inside of an hospital seeking treatment, and I hung myself. I took my belt, which they neglected to remove from my personal property, and hung myself in the bathroom from the towel rack. I was found, face all red and blue and on the verge of passing out. I was almost dead, my wish had almost come true.

Fast forward three years. I am serving in the United States Marine Corps. Having not been on medication for years, having suffered and dealt with my own depression and worthlessness. My grades were below average, so my only choice was to enlist. I was in the Marine Corps for 9 months before something that forever changed my life took place. I was involved in a horrific one vehicle accident. I was driving my GMC Sonoma with my friend Jason and his fiance Ann back from the airport, on a rainy Halloween night. I lost control of the vehicle and we slid into the grass median, we slid for about 100 feet before the tires caught the grass, and we began to flip over. Myself and Ann were ejected from the vehicle. Jason was not that lucky. The vehicle landed on him, killing him instantly. I am able to sit here and say that I was lucky to have only broken my back in two places and twisted my leg around. I do not think I have ever recovered from this incident, nor do I think I ever will.