So it was brought up about insecurity and how I probably live with it. I am not going to go deep into this subject, because frankly, my most insecure time of my life is behind me, and I do not wish to rehash so many memories- both good and bad at this time.
I was raised without knowing my father- yes, go figure, all the doctors say that can be a good reason for an adult having problems with insecurity. Hum bug I say...I was raised in a good home, and have never missed him at all. Hard to miss someone you never knew.
I have always trusted people, until you do me wrong. At that point, I have a very very difficult time forgiving or forgetting. I usually see myself stewing about what was done. It is horrible....I wish I could forget so much easier about being done wrong.
As far as relationships go, I have told myself once I am cheated on, I would walk away, but my fear of being alone usually takes over and I give in. Always letting the cheating factor be a point of argument. Usually so much so that it gets in the way of the relationship itself.
This past 3 months I have learned how to live by myself- not having that "significant other" in my life to lean onto. While I have learned about myself, I still do not feel whole at the end of the day. I still get lonely at times....Enough about this though, lets move on with the day....
I will have another post coming up, probably later today about the last week of my life and the issues that have come from them....
Germany win the World Cup 2014
9 years ago
2 comments:
Hey!
Thinking about your insecurity post. Thank you heaps.
And hopefully your 'most insecure time' is not ahead of you. Christmas and all that... (and deeper). Behind you, ahead of you, right now; insecurity seems to transcend time and place.
What about the people you do know: as a child/teenager and now? The doctors are probably thinking what would happen if they had a dad in their lives and he went away or wasn't there.
Sometimes a good home isn't a good enough home (think Winnicot and other good people of the Object Relations school).
Do you now see things in the relationship beyond what was done or what they did to you? Do you appreciate the relationship as a relationship not merely to have one?
Yes, I am able to appreciate the relationship for face value of it. I try not to stay in something just for the sake of staying in something.
I have always tried to focus on beyond what was done, however what has been done to me, will always come to the forefront for me, and I am working on that. Letting go of certain things is difficult for me. It is part of the BPD that really gets to me.
"The ability to love and be enraged at the same time"
That sentence could have been writen by someone who knows me. Although, most of depends more on the person that I am with. Thus why I have tried my best not to get involved in something just to have someone, but rather wait until I can find someone that isn't childish and can act like a mature adult during the relationship.
Thank you.
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