Why do I.....

Well, it has been months......again, my sporadic posting really makes me wonder why anyone reads this.....oh wait a minute...they don't!!!

Since my last post, my life has changed 400%. My girlfriend and I broke up in September. She was withdrawing from me, and making it difficult to continue fighting for what we had. She had given up. I later found out that she had already moved on, before actually calling it quits. It really bummed me out, because I had given her plenty of options and plenty of chances to walk away and be done. Apparently she cannot walk away, without having someone ready to step in and take over. Suppose she cannot be alone.....I was hurt....I think I still am. For the mere fact that I know I gave up everything for her...literally...Oh well, such is life, you learn from mistakes and move on.

October brought my latest drinking binges. In an effort to find myself and be happy, I stopped my medications. I told my doctor I wanted to, and while he did not think it was a good idea, it is amazing how much different I feel. I always said that my ex had a lot to do with my needing anxiety medication and medication to calm me, and I think I was right. My moods don't swing much anymore, and I feel pretty good day in and day out. Downside....I have been drinking. Everyday. I have become the Cheers character "Norm" at the local bar. I know this is just a phase but, it helps to fill the void. My lack of friends really became apparent when we broke up, and I found myself just sitting around wondering all the time. I have made some friends at the bar, both guys and girls, and when I am there, I feel pretty good.

Now, we are in November....can you believe it, it is almost December.....where oh where did the year go. I really want to do better with this blog. I really want to reach out and have "blog friends" I have so much on my mind lately, that I feel I cannot share to most people. However an anonymous blog, I feel gives me the outlet, I probably need badly.

Well I hope this finds everyone reading well, and I look forward to posting some more, and giving an earnest effort here with my blog......